recently every thing is a giant blur. 

my life isn’t real. i swear.

well here it is… 

It’s spring break, I’m in New York City sitting on the red bleachers in Times Square. It starts to rain and my group with school decides to go into the information across the street (mainly for the free bathrooms) and after a successful rest stop we ventured into the main area to scope around when all of a sudden I see a wall before my eyes with hundreds of wishes on the board from new years. A strange security guard approaches my group. After grabbing my camera he takes us on a photo shoot around the place. Photo shoot is over and he takes us to all make a wish… so i think “what is the one thing i really want in my life, more than anything?” and then it occurred to me that making this wish really does mean a lot to me. 

       So I took the slip of paper and poured my soul out right then and there… 

“I want to locate my birthparents and meet them before i die.”

Now flash forward three weeks to today… April 28th, 2012

At this moment, I HAVE located my birthparents… address, phone number, facebook and all. All because of a white out spot that i found and had the urge to scratch off of a Polaroid that was lost for fifteen years.

Without that gay security guard to brighten my day, to urge me to make that wish.. none of this wouldve happened. All i can say is hell yeah to fate and karma for being the most beautiful thing in the world. I have no clue where this will take me or if they even want to meet me, but my wish came true. 

Believe in Fate and Karma .. never stop. Your miracle can come true too, don’t ever loose that faith.

Ever been in that situation when you get so close to a guy that he’s your best friend?

You look at him, you start to realize how you two interact, and you suddenly realize that you’re a perfect fit for each other. 

Staying at his house is nothing because his parents love you just like yours love his, but the reality is you start to develop feelings for him… 

Unfortunately, this can effect any good and solid friendship.

Laughing with him is easy i can totally be myself and say anything i want around him without judgements being passed. We can talk about comics and star wars for hours, go to eat, rely on each other for everything and anything. 

I DONT WANT TO FALL IN LOVE WITH MY BEST FRIEND, even though i could see myself marrying him and being with him. I’m not sure if he feels the same… but as for now i’m hopelessly confused and distraught.

Help. Help. Help. Help

today i got my ears pierced, after six months of recovery from surgery from having gauges. I feel like a little kid again; I’m so happy!

So my adoption process and search has finally pushed me to the limit, i cannot write this letter. I cannot write a letter to someone who is my mother, who i’ve never met in my life and who doesn’t even know me. What do you say to someone like that. This is the mot difficult thing to live with on a daily basis. I generally appear so happy, but i only wonder that if people actually knew how saddened of a person i was, how much i hurt from this, or how much i cry because of this, would they treat me more like a person instead of making me feel invisible. 

SO…  Lauren and Craig, this one’s to you, to the live we may or may not share. Here’s to maybe knowing my parents, and finally discovering who you are. But if you think im a piece of shit like everyone else does, then at least i gave it a try right ?